Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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