someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
