she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
