Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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