it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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