can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
