I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
