She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
