just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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