Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
