i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I will pee on everything he values.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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