the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He better not be in your backpack
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize