After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
