Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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