im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
