pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My dick has a subreddit
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Holy shit dude........stairs
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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