You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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