Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
