Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
