I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
