jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
