our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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