The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
