billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
