I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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