It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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