nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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