his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
