it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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