You work out of a Hotel?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
