Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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