Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
