Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
