if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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