Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
