I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
