Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
