a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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