she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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