I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
