I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
