we have officially mastered the walk of shame
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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