You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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