Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
