just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
