Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need a beard to bite.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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