She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
