im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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