I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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