This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
