I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
