So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
