I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think my moral compass just broke
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