pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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